in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
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Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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