Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
