sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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