btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
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All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
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I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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