My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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