RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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