I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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