Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
