I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
