After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
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Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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