I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
