you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I will be naked everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize