is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Found your dick twin last night
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
