I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
