So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
