I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
