I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
