Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
