You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
