the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
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He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
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On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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