I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
