so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
