i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
why do cheetos always look like penises
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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