I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
