Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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