my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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