people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
