I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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