You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
