I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
