I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
