I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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