I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
