My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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