ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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