If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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