Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
