So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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