she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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