I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
