She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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