You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
