I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Randomize
