dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
