I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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