I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Enjoy the penises
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
