I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
