My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
