this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
