Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
