if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i can't believe i had my finger in that
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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