shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
