I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
