Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
