No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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