Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
