omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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