That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
