can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
