i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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