TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Randomize
