official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
be right there i have to get my cape
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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