if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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