It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
