I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
