Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
