My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
