Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
