i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
