i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
