Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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